Is your pet France-daft? Does he bark along whenever he hears the Marseillaise? Or purr at the sight of a delicious tarte tatin? Then give your furry pal what they want this Christmas with one of these fabulous pressies themed on quite literally the Frenchest place on earth, France.

The French flag is both emblematic and easy to incorporate into pet accessories. This Bobby tricolore dog collar in leather (€40) is one of the less mad – and really rather chic – ways to add le bleu-blanc-rouge to your canine companion’s wardrobe.

But what if you want something more… let’s say drag… for your dog? Then this French flag collar with Swarovski crystals (€94) is for you. (S)he will out-dazzle all the other pooches at the park with her sparkling Gallic eleganza. Shantay, you stay. NO, stay doggy, STAY.

But what’s this I hear? You’re afraid that people will think your dog is wearing the Dutch flag? Le horreur! Simply add this Eiffel Tower collar charm (€9). No mistaking where doggy’s loyalties lie now.

What’s more French than skiing in the Alps? If you’re taking your dog to Val-d’Isère this winter, you’ll want your good boy warm and representin’ on the slopes. This Moncler puffer dog jacket will do just that. It’s an eye-watering €395, though, so you may need to cut back on après-ski treats to be able to afford it.

Moving from snow to sun, you’re sure to want to try the classic Breton sailor look, made chic by Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel herself. Variations on this look are available in abundance for pets, with this outfit from Dog French Touch being a particularly fine example. At €60 and in available in five sizes, your dog is sure to turn heads on the beach this summer. There’s a matching raincoat, too, for those unpredictable Brittany Augusts.

It’s been very dog-centric so far – but that’s all about to change. Put your claws away, cats, this striped top with red scarf and beret (€28 from Ice Cream Tree Studio / Etsy) is for you. Who knew that cats could be even more beautiful? Admittedly, my cat would rip the flesh from my bones if I attempted to dress him up in it but for those with more accommodating felines, this is a French look you can’t pass up.

Dog fashion loves a French theme, whether it’s this Parisian fashionista dog dress or more Chanel-inspired couture, your dog has choices. For more formal occasions, your dog can’t do better than this custom made Ma Cherie Rose Eiffel Tower-themed ball gown (€213, Bitch New York).

For over-the-top Marie-Antoinette realness, you simply have to add this dog wig (€19, Elegantpet1 / Etsy) too. Let them eat dog biscuits!

Do you ever look at your pet and think, “You’re not sexy enough”? No? Thank God for that. That means you won’t need this French maid’s costume (€31, Bitch New York).

Before we finish with fashion, there’s one more item that your French-lovin’ pal can’t be without: perfume! Les Poochs specialise in canine fragrances, shampoos and grooming accessories. Pooch de Noel (€77) is the perfect Christmas gift to make your dog smell less, well, like a dog.

If that’s taking things too far for your liking, then you can pay hommage to the most famous of French scents with a Chanel No. 5-inspired dog bed. Or with this dog car seat that, in addition to perfume, also features Chanel’s classic chain purse (€262).

Perhaps your furry buddy isn’t the type to dress up and look all fancy. Well that doesn’t mean that they can’t enjoy other aspects of French culture. The best part. Yes, I’m talking din-dins. Your four-legged friend can be wined and dined with the finest French cuisine, specially made for dogs and cats.

Ladurée who? These macarons from Hamiform (€6.99) will make your dog the envy of the kennel club. They’re available in four flavours: salmon & seaweed, beef & blackcurrent, chicken & pumpkin and lamb & apricot.

And for Miss Kitty? Nothing but the finest frog legs (€15, Feed My Paws) to tempt her choosy palette. Packed with protein, this fine French snack will have her bounding with delight.

Champagne corks are sure to be popping this Christmas and New Year, but how do cats celebrate? With Meow & Chandon cat champagne (Pet Winery, €13.50), of course. It’s non-alcoholic, obvs, and flavoured with wild Alaskan salmon and catnip for their drinking pleasure. Pet Winery make a champagne for dogs, too, as well as a range of beers and wines for both.

Dieting dogs can still enjoy classic French produce in the form of chewy toys: baguettes, croissants, or even a charcuterie board of meat and cheeses. Calorie-free and a lot of fun.

If your tastes are more of cultural bent, then why not treat yourself by having your pet’s portrait done in the form of a historical French figure? The Renaissance Pet take your pet’s photo and add it digitally to classic paintings. Admit it, you’ve always wanted to see what your fluffy friend would look like as Napoleon, the ever-popular Marie Antoinette or the Sun King himself, Louis XIV? Prices start at €53 and – if my beloved is reading this – I WANT ONE.

French art shouldn’t be the preserve of humans. What better way to appreciate Monet’s Nympheas than as a dog collar? OK, it’s probably not what the artist had imagined in his garden at Giverny but the pastels look cute!

And if you thought that was sacriligeous, you going to hate this next one. Ever looked at the works of Matisse and thought, “Not bad. But I wonder what it would look like with a dog instead?” Well, wonder no more. You can have your very own canvas of Matisse’s Blue Nude IV but with a dog instead of an attention-hogging human. A snip at €29.99!

Money no object? Then there are luxury French brands willing to accept your money to make your chien look like the leader of the pack. Louis Vuitton do dog collars at €215 and dog carriers at just over €2,000 – for those occasions when you want your dog to match your suitcase.

Yves Saint Laurent also do dog collars and leashes in various prints and materials (faux zebra and crocodile for that just-come-back-from-safari look) and a rather fetching lambskin harness for €545.

Sadly, Chanel – such an icon in dog fashion – seems to have taken a step back from the pet business. Should you wish to snap up this Chanel dog collar, you’re going to have to go vintage to satisfy your pet’s predilictions.

Still haven’t seen anything that instills Frenchness in your pet thoroughly enough? Then it’s time to go big – and go home. What your pet needs is his very own French chateau from La Petite Maison (via Bitch New York). This is a custom designed pet home for dogs – though any noble-minded cat, rabbit, tortoise or parrot would be perfectly at home too. Make your pet the Monseigneur that he deserves to be. And at just under €4,500, it’s far cheaper than buying an actual chateau.

Finally, we all know that the greatest gift you can give an animal this Christmas is food, shelter and love. You can help animals in France by giving a donation to the Société Protectrice des Animaux, or any animal charity local to you.

All photos are the property of the sites/manufacturers specified in the caption. I do not earn anything from the links. Some prices have been converted from US dollars to euros with some rounding of figures; please check the individual sales sites for correct prices.