When you move to a new country, you expect to be surprised by  life there.  Weather, religion, food, wealth, geography are the main causes of culture shock. But just as often it’s the little things that surprise you. Things you only find out after really getting to know a place.

1. You constantly have to buy bread.

Baguettes are delicious but they also go stale within 3 hours unless you swaddle them like a newborn. Because of this you can’t buy bread too far in advance or you end up with bread as tooth-splinteringly hard as Blackpool Rock.  The balance between having too little bread and having too much bread which goes stale is incredibly precarious; every day I feel like the Grosvenor of the Bank of England adjusting interests rates. Compare this with life in Britain where I bought a loaf of pre-sliced bread about once a week. Pain here is a pain.

2. French people use cheques!

Remember cheques? They were the books of blank bank notes you could write yourself? I had cheque books in the nineties, they made me feel like such a grown up. They were so sophisticated that they were the prize in Blankety Blank (along with the pen). In Britain they’re like the VHS tapes of the money world, replaced by chip ‘n’ pin and those new tap ‘n’ go systems I’m deeply wary of. Cheques are still a thing in France, which is retro but why not?

3. You work less yet have more holidays.

I remember a civil servant explaining the 35-hour week to me when I first moved to France.

“Since we moved to the 35-hour week I’ve got all these extra holiday days…”
“Wait, but if the hours you work in a week have been reduced, surely you have fewer holidays to make up the difference…?”
“No, we have more holidays because if you go over 35 hours, you get the time back as holiday or extra pay.”

My brain with its London-mentality of slaving constantly for nothing except an email saying “You’re a star!” exploded at this point.

4. French people don’t get drunk all the time.

I’m British – Scottish to be precise – so I grew up in a situation where most people are either a) drunk b) hung over c) nervously getting through the day until their next drink. France is that land of wine and extra-long boozy lunches so if anything, I expected people to be constantly drunk. They weren’t. French people act like actual adults when it comes to alcohol.  And it was surprisingly refreshing to be around people who don’t  feel compelled to get wasted all the time.

5. Parisians are super into scarves.

Especially now where the weather hovers indecisively between summer and autumn, like a swimmer on the edge of the pool, afraid to plunge in. Days start off chilly and finish balmy so scarves become an indispensable and very flexible  accessory that allows you to stay the right temperature all day long. Plus they’re a flash of colour against the famously sombre Parisian costume of black, grey and navy.

6. French fridges smell of cheese.

French people love cheese, that’s no secret. Cheese lives in the fridge and stinks it up pretty damn well. The good news? You stop noticing after a while and it’s only when your  non-French visitors recoil visibly when you open the door that you remember that a guff emanates from within like a Camembert’s fart.

7. Many French people take homeopathy seriously!

Which is odd in a country that prides itself on its reason. Like, there are actual doctors who will write you prescriptions for water. It would be hilarious, if it weren’t deeply depressing/troubling.

8. French people aren’t all white, thin, stylish, upper middle class intellectuals.

French people come in all different shapes and colours!  Which is genuinely surprising if your only exposure to the French is through film and TV – or holidays to touristy parts of Paris and France. But, as unwilling as the media are to acknowledge their existence, French people come from a dizzying mix of ethnic origins – the highest proportion in Europe. They can also be fat! And poor! And many would rather sit in front of the telly watching a reality TV show than reading a book of philosophy, thank you. Yes, the types that you see in films do exist but they are the minority and are mainly found in the fancier parts of Paris. The version of France popularised in the media is as realistic as believing a Richard Curtis film accurately represents Britain.

9. France is outrageously beautiful, just about everywhere

Britons come to France in their hordes, and rightfully so. (Who wouldn’t pop round to their neighbour’s if that neighbour had a lovely garden, full bar and served up delicious grub?) So it’s no surprise that the well-known and well-trodden bits of France have gorgeous scenery to ogle over. I’m talking Provence, Côte d’Azur, Dordogne, etc.

Well, my family has different criteria when holidaying in France. It goes like this: “Where can we go that’s cheap and quiet?” and we pick somewhere usually in the middle of France that’s largely populated by goats and ancient crones who tend those same goats. So far I have been staggered by how stunning these places are. Like, “STOP SHOWING OFF, FRANCE”-levels of mind-bogglement.  And these are places that are hardly visited. In any other country they’d be the main attraction but this is France and France has an abundance of beauty so it’s all just “Oh yes, we have this countryside lying around somewhere that we forgot about. It’s a bit dusty but, sure, you can go there if you like?”

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